Vinodh is a Technical lead in a leading software services firm.He got married to Sheela a year back.And their relationship and marriage was purely arranged by both of their parents.Sheela is also a software professional.
Their married life was happy and streamlined for six months.Later it did not continue smoothly.
Saran.He is a very close friend of Sheela.And they are very close from their college days.Both of them joined the same firm after their college as well.
Vinodh said "Ok.Let him be your friend or wat ever,all these days.Now you got married and why do you need a male friend when am there for you."
She said " Vinodh.I clearly told you about him,before our marriage.He is my close friend and i cant be without him.
They were very close, that they shared the same room when they were posted abroad from their firm.They shared friendship and love.
Vinodh was not very clear on Sheela's thoughts so he stoped asked anything about him and acted normal for sometime.
Saran used come to visit Sheela often.And their friendship continued.
Vinodh happened to read some of Sheela's personal emails and letters to Saran.It was highly personal.It had all the open expressions of love for one another.But Sheela shows the same love and affection to Vinodh.
Vinodh was confused.
Later one day he took Sheela to beach shore.They sat there.It was a fullmoon day.The cool breeze planed Sheela's hair.She looked beautiful on the moon light as she adjusted the thin hair along her ears.
"Sheela...hmm..when u like Saran so much.Why you didnt marry him ? " asked Vinodh.
Sheela starred at Vinodh.
Beach waves voiced.
She spoke."Vinodh.Are u still not happi with our friendship"
Vinodh said "illa.Friendship naa fine.But u are really close with him.Athan..i cant...i cant digenst..why u didnt marry him."
She said "Vinodh.hmm yeah am very close with him.but i cant marry him..Marriage is different"
Vinodh cant control and shouted....
"What different.i read all your emails to him..u discuss everything thing with him..every moment in your life..those things which you cant discuss to a male.Then why the hell u married me and not him"
Sheela stood up and said.
"Vinodh.You have to understand this,
Saran is my friend and yes i have lots of love and affection on him.
And i have the same love and affection on you as well.
I cant lead a married life with Saran.Becos...becoz ours is a non-sexual relationship.Some kind of ..kind of "Romantic Friendship"
Me or him have never felt that feeling among us.Puriyutha.Please try to understand.And please dont read my personal emails.And i love u so so much da..U mean so much to me.."
She left the place.Vinodh sat there looking at the moon astoundingly.
30 comments:
Mapla...Good and a sensitive one to start off the year da...
well..."Romantic Friendship" sounds good doood ;) .... But machi...Romantic Friendship happens very very rarely...i guess and it neeeds a hell lot a mature to continue n accept... correct ta?
and dei..some how i feel that u have hurried a lot in this post da..missin those intricate details that u used to give... neverthless...a emotional and a feel good post to start off..
Continue blogging lots this year da! :)
Awesome post! And happy new year to you :-)
I can fully empathise with this post cos I have a wonderful friend like Saran for my life :). And i pray i dont get a hubby like Vinodh who cannot understand or respect the friendship.
and time again would say the answer. Saran was in Sheelas life for a longer period than vinodh, and it might take some time for Vinodh to become Sheelas best friend and more closer than Saran.
Ofcourse i do agree with the saying "Lenght of acquaintance doesnt determine the depth".. still..
The thin line between friendship and marraige....wow
In a way every relationship and in marraige it is possesive...but it has to border in a such a way that it doesnt become an obsession to peek into the other persons personal life.
Kalakitta nanba :-)
and i guess Harish is absolutely true. The possesiveness comes out of love. So its the duty of Sheela to make Vinodh understand the difference of the relationship between her and her husband and that of hers and saran. If she cannot make him understand, she is a failure. And its not wrong on Vinodhs part to feel bad, coz extramarital affairs are too common in this world. It is the person in the relationship to define it. So she has to define the sacred of her relationship with Saran to Vinodh..
Again i somehow feel Sheela was rude to Vinodh.. if she liked him so much.. whats the need to ask him not to read her personal mails? Yes there needs to be some space even btwn a husband and wife.. but avaloda personal is his personal too isnt it?
-- Heidi Kris
Dakaltiz:
Thanks for your comment dude..and your the first one to comment for this new year..when i composed this i thought it should not reflect any of my style of intricate dtls..wnated to convey what am seeing aournd now and then..and more importanatly wanted to know how ppl feel about this new trend of relatioship developing..
Heidi Kris:
Welcom here...
Thanks for all your comments and i feel happi as my purpose of the post fulfilled by you..i was wondering about this new trend of relationship spreading and i swear i was in a very deep confusion about this...so drafted this..
One quesiton to you.
You said u have a friend like Saran..What do you expect from your hubby WRT Saran?
I concluded this blog and never said what Vinodh feels at the end.Becoz i dont know what he should feel, that would be right for mankind?
Harish:
Thaks for dropping in..yes as always u conceive it right dude.
Yes I do have a friend like Saran and I can defnly say I cannot marry him, but he is very close to me. We are friends and only friends. There is a thin line that do exist between us. The line that guards the sacredness of our friendship.
And regarding Vinodh, he is possessive about Sheela, and if Sheela felt that there is nothing called a "Secret Affair" between her and Saran, what is the need for her to hide the mails from Vinodh? If her mind and heart is clean and clear, she should not feel afraid or there is no need for her to stop Vinodh from reading her mails.
Vinodh loves Sheela the most and that is why he wants her fully. He doesnt like anyone else sharing her love. It is absolutely valid and nothing wrong in his part to think so. Any guy would want his wife in toto.
Taking this situation that Sheela tells everything to Saran, then it might be possible that Saran would be aware that Vinodh is not happy about his relationship with Sheela, so as a gentleman, Saran should also speak to Vinodh and make him understand what their relationship is actually.
But only one thing to be noted, the friendship that Sheela and Saran should be a real one. None of them should have any kind of lust or a other kind of love which a boyfriend and a girlfriend shares. Both should be true to their friendship. It could also happen like jus because their love is untold or cannot be proceeded towards marriage, they stay as romantic friendship. If Sheela did that, then she is cheating Vinodh.
Iam reminded of the song "Thozha thozha" from the film Pandavar bhoomi. The heroine like one utamaputri sings the song, but at last, they both fell in love and got married. The song lost all its value after the climax. Had they not married, the songs meaning suits the best for this kind of relationship :-)
And yes.. Vinodh, after understanding the reality of their friendship, if his love is true, should start trusting Sheela. Coz where the trust is not there, there cannot exists true love.
hey da..sorry didnt know u updated ur blog..had to find out from arasi :)....
i am just wondering if something like romantic friendship exists without any sexual intensions...as u said it surely must be a thin and fine relationship...when u like someone that much..u automatically get the sexual feel too...enna solra??...romba kozhapitta da..hehe..but as usual loved reading ur posts..it always has a special touch to it:)
Hey Logic.. Nice post... im a firstime blogger and had been reading ur blogs for quite sometime... u r true an - such relationshuips exists ..but rarest ones ..i have never seen one until sometime back wen one of my frined told me how she had lived it ... i believe in it ... I know its very difficult for people to understand and appreciate such a relationship until they had been on it or seen someone in it firsthand ...I dont know which one u belong to or wer u got the inspiratrion from ... But you have left the story open ended - Here too its very difficult to digest that she loved Vinodh the at the same level as Saran - though Vinodh might be able to accept her friendship, its hard for him to accept that his gal loves her friend at the same level as him...
And..Heidi Kris .. U R AWESOME.. I was never able to get a hint from your comments that u r a female until i visited ur profile ... its an awesome perspetive of including the views of the guy and the gal ... I sincerely appreciate ur perspective of understanding wht thots might run behind Vinodh's mind and how important it is for Sheela to maintain transparency in such complex relationships ...
@Karuppan :-) Danke hehe.. but wasnt that too obvious here itself?
@Raz - yes ofcourse Saran can defnly have some personal stuff that he would want only Sheela and no one else to know. And I believe it is out of jealous or little suspicion about their relationship that Vinodh had read Sheelas mail. Vinodh if was a gentleman and who trusts Sheela would denfly not be sneaking into all the mails of Sheela.
I said there is no need for Sheela to hide things from Vinodh, and make things transparant to him jus to emphasis the fact that even if he reads her mail, there is no wrong or there is nothing that is cooking up btwn Sheela and Saran for her to fear. But I believe Vinodh would be a gentleman and would give Sheela her own personal space. :-) When he is understanding enough to accept Saran to continue his friendship with Sheela, he would not go and read all her mails.
It is something of the kind that Vinodh has been given all the rights to check the actions of Sheela, but out of trust and love he never makes use of that right. Only when something is prohibited, the inquisitivness increases and suspicion arises :)
@Mystery:
Its bad u are late..hehehe ..juzz kiddin..the relationship that we are disucssing is at a very high level and needs some kind of fourth dimension to look at it..
@raz/@Karupaan/@Heidi:
Thanks all for your comments.Feelings and opinion higly differes among humans.And that depends exclusively on the topic.
And i have thought about this senstive realtionships in all angles when i am alone..and i like to feel it from ppl around me as well..and truley speaking no one can understand or give solutions to such a relationships..and it is HIGHLY DIVINE (If it is)
HI Logic...Happy NY!
Veru true....that there is a fie line between love and firendship. Are u familar with the term "emotional cheating"? Its being nowdays when us hare personal thoughts with a person of the opposite sex other tahn your spouse.
I too have a friend like Saran and stuggle to keep the boundary very clear not only between us but to the rest of the world!
Good post!!!
@raz-ennamo pa..ippdi ellarum solreenga n nambaren :)...i have never come through anyone in my life so far..so just had some doubts..eppo clear..;)
@Logic-ada paavi...oru second etti orkut la solli irrundha ippdi late aayirikka maatain illa..:)..fourth dimension aa...adhu seri..;)
wow wow... good to c a healthy discussion on this much debated relationship... thx logic ...
@Heidi..
very nice comments... but still in reality I guess...you can't keep your friendship at the same level after weddin... Itz not only coz of ur beloved but also due to ur in-laws n the society... enne solra?
@ Mystery..
Enne kav..enne confusion...? Romantic Friendship is possible..as I have told earlier..Itz rare and it takes a mature head to sustain the same..
Logic.. thinking abt a parallel ..wat say? ;)
Hmm true Dina. In-laws inda relationshipa purinjukaradhu romba kashtam.
On a second thought what i feel is elathukum konjam time edukum. It is when Sheela is having so much time to spend for Saran then their relationship is continuing, but nalaike Sarankum kalyanam ayiduchuna illati Sheelakum oru kozhandai lam vandruchuna there wont be much interaction between them.
The crux of the story here or the fact is such relationship do exists and there is nothing wrong in such a kind of friendship is what i feel. But the relationship continuing forever with the same intimacy / same frequency is tough. They both will be close, but adikadi pesikaradho mail panikaradho kandipa korayum. The friendship shouldnt break jus because it was not properly understood by the better halfs of the friendsngradhu dhan enoda thaazhmaiyana karuthu :)
Welcome back ! I guess you started the new year with a bang !
Good cross road read !
Vow that was a good one.
I think this must be a common problem in almost every household(younger generation atleast!!!)
I was wondering what was sheela going to answer in the beach...
btb how do you know about this, logic? Is it that you have analysed a women's feeling or experience tells you this!! Ne'er mind, I think your wife/girl is a luckier one!!!
Kirukal:
Thaks for your comments..all the best with your romantic relationship
Kavi:
welcome here..
kavya:
who is this?
eppa touching postu! The thin line between love and friendship.... hhmmmm... true! :)
hey ..really intimate post!
i guess there is always a ego side of the male..which doesnt let him accept the pure friendship with another man!!
Bonjour !
I have my own opinions regarding this issue. Will draft a proper comment in leisure later, so that I am not misunderstood.
I am not a misandrist nor a misogynist. But I would leave now after commenting on "White Forest"
@ White Forest
// i guess there is always a ego side of the male..which doesnt let him accept the pure friendship with another man!!
Will a Girl/Woman accept the fact if the male had a friend that way ?
How would Sheela react if the positions of Sheela and Vinod were interchanged? Would Sheela accept the friendship?
Anonymously Yours
hello..
Nice posting.
But what are you trying to say?
Is sheela right?
I can only sympathise with her..what she has is great love for Saran sans the chemistry.
There is nothing like "romantic love"...where there is romance there is chemistry.
So she wants to have all emotional attachment with Saran and use her hubby only for sex since she cant have that with saran ?
Hey!! I would be very upset if my husband discusses our personal life with his friend be it a male or female.
What does she want her husband to understand..."accept that my heart is with him but otherwise things are ok with you and me"?
I read in Reader's Digest that there cannot be JUST friendship between the opposite sexes unless there is a little bit of sexual repulsiveness there.
So this Sheela gal shd first concentrate on making vinod feel secure and also bringing him inside their circle of friendship.
Afterall in friendships, is'nt the more the merrier?
First time here, surely not the last! Excellenta ezhidirukinga! Ennoda views, fictiona mattum eduthukaren, I cannot help but be sceptical abt the outcome of the relationship! As White forest said, I too jus don’t think a male ego can stand being pushed as the second best!
ennaku onume puriyala
love friendship....??
confusing...grrr!!
Romantic friendship-aa? Vikraman thothaar ponga!! Friendship ku puthu definition-ae kuduthutteenga.
Apdiyae continue panni Saran n his wife-oda kathaiyum KANK style la potteenganna nallaa irukkum.
I feel a little out of place on this site, but I found the reference to romantic friendship while doing a web search. Its a subject much on my mind lately.
I suspect there are cultural differences with how this is seen.
While there was a time (late 1800s -early 1900s) when "romantic friendship" was an accepted idea in the US, but its not any longer.
During that time, people would write to friends expressing affection in terms we reserve for
lovers today. This included friendships not only between a man
and a woman, but between two people of the same sex. It was
especially common between women.
Now, psychologists want to analyse
these old writings and say it was
just repressed gay impulses. But
I don't think thats true. And clearly, that wasn't the case when
it existed between a man and a woman. I do think its possible for men and women to have purely
platonic relationships - where they think of each other just as
friends, or maybe like siblings.
But true "romantic friendship" is
something deeper. There is a soul
or heart connection. And that can
easily be misinterpreted, even though it doesn't neccesarily mean
theres sexual attraction.
Like Vinodh, most spouses today get very defensive and jealous if their partner seems to have too close of a friendship with someone of the other gender. I had such
a close, female friend myself. We
fell out of contact for 20 years.
Just recently, by chance, I
found her through the internet.
We always had this incredible connection, and its undimmed by
the passage of all those years!
I could tell her anything, and she always seeemed to instinctively understand what was in my heart.
I feel things toward her, and say
things to her, I would never say
to an ordinary "friend". Very
definitely "romantic", but not
sexual.
We are both with someone else. And I've had to be careful to make sure my wife doesn't read the e-mails, because she will misunderstand the expressions of
love in the notes.
Such a wonderful story, but full of the classic ambiguity that surrounds the whole topic. I can relate to this in many ways as I have a very close friendship with a girl, myself obviously being male with a name like Karl!!
For many months I struggled with my relationship with a girl that I had come to know. Some background on myself/the situ - I am a navigating officer working for a cruiseline, and the girl in question worked onboard in another area. I was at one time the embodyment of my profession - from a personal perspective - a 'player'. I had many relationships that came to nothing, and had been in a realtionship that 'grounded me' for a time, but following its conclusion returned to my old ways, until I met this girl.
I first met her when she had been told by her predecessor to stay away from me, as she and I had been in a relationship of sorts, so we stayed distant for a short time - until a fateful party night that allowed us to finally interact. Initially my motivations were for another 'hit'. But as time went by I learned more about who she was and she and I spent increasingly more time together, even to the point of excluding other friends of ours. As our bond grew I found myself realising that we had engaged in very little physical contact - we had kissed, but no more, but the intensity of my feelings for her grew - and she openly reciprocated them. She eventually had to leave for family problems - during which time I felt empty and extremely sad that she was nolonger there, but she did come back and we even arranged to finally leave the ship together - bound for our individual countries.
To summarise my feelings for her - she gave me what I was in need of the most to both ground me emotionally and repair me in a way that only two people who share love can while giving me back the smile I had lost along the way. I definately love her, but physical intimacy that comes with sex is out of the question for us because we are friends and that is how we have become, even tough I am strongly attracted to her physically - our's is an emotional love for one another. Now don't get me wrong we have shared the same bed, held each other, kissed, expressed love and as this story says exchanged writings of our love for each other, as well as publically showed our affection for each other. But we never cross the line into a boy/girl friend situation, as we just don't need or want to.
So searching the web for a defination has put me at ease to see that this is indeed a possible type of friendship - but the unwillingness of some to even still consider it as it is frankly astounds me! Friendship should never be devalued either in whatever forms - as when people asked about us we consistantly told them we were friends they would reply with; you can't possibly be "just" friends. Having experienced what I have with her has renewed my perception of what a friend really is and in my case how such a close (romantic) friend can be such a beautiful thing - even if what I have experienced is so rare that it is indeed a once in a lifetime kind of friendship.
So my dear friend I say this, I love you and I always will!!
I can't believe it.. you have voiced what I live through.. though am not married yet :p... but it applies to my bf and my best friend and me...
thank you for writing this!
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